26 Feb 2014

Many types of Me

I managed to achieve something today that I think deserves to be documented as it is something POSITIVE and that I have been trying to do for a LONG time. So, drumroll please. ................ I went swimming! 

Now I realise that this isn't a groundbreaking experience but in the midst of a fairly crazy and hormonal time I feel proud that I have managed to manage my time to do something that I have wanted to do for a while.

Now to some people the thought of going out for some exercise is not a big deal and to others I imagine that it seems like a terrifying prospect. For myself sport or exercise has just never really featured in my "favourite things to do" list. I like to swim. I like to use some machines in the gym. I quite liked zumba when I tried it and I don't mind doing the wii fit at home so long as I stay away from muscle-y things. But I am not one of nature's sportswomen so to go out of an evening just for the sole purpose of swimming entails much more effort for me than others.

Then when balanced against all the other things I have to do and want to do, the effort required is nearly quadrupled. How on earth could I go swimming,  I have to make cakes and sew cushions and a million other things that I have promised to others that I will do for them and now can't wait? And its favourite counter argument, I have spent all day working hard and doing what I have to do, I now just want to do what I want to do.

I have noticed that since Pickle Pants is about I have had to fit myself into a few more versions of Me, depending who I am with and what I am doing. Today I was Mummy, Pickle Pants' mummy asking about nursery things, colleague, friend, staff, customer, wife, hungry dieter. All things that need a different approach, but also all that need decisions to be made. And weighed up, and then actioned.  Something that I am struggling with again at the moment.

I am currently still being treated for PND and annoyingly this can be made worse by PMS which is where my problem lies (I am currently having more than my fair share) I find that I am getting overwhelmed with the vast amount of decisions and resulting actions that seem to be flowing my way. Some of these are time related, and some to imminent changes in our daily life. But I am also worrying about longer term issues, some that might not ever exist. And nearly all these decisions are things that as an adult/parent I should expect to have to deal with. So surely the decision to start a new exercise habit that will need a conscious and concentrared effort to maintain seems like a bad thing to try and squeeze in on top of this.

Well actually, no. I managed today much better than yesterday with getting stuff done because for a lot of what I did, the decision to do it had already been made. I put away the recycling because I had already decided yesterday that it needed to be done. Same for emptying the suitcase. At work I did what I had to based on time decisions made for me. I ordered my wool as I need to finish off a project and knew I couldn't get what I wanted from hobbycraft as I went at lunchtime. And I went swimming because I knew that Wednesday was the best day of the week to go and i was already a member so didn't have to worry about paying.

So I can now see the benefits of actioning some of my decisions that are currently just waiting for me to get round to them, in order to free up some space to deal with the next batch. And I can also see that one of the people that I need to be is "looking after myself" Me and that person is allowed to go swimming on Wednesdays. But she isn't allowed to use the vending machines.

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